1 Feb 2006

Today is a bad day.
not exactly. hmm... how should i put it...
it's good initially, and it's good most of the time. but when there's that one moment that's bad, it spoils the whole day.

i think i'm too sensitive.

one hour ago i jus feel like running away. from that one thing that doesnt go my way...
i think we all do feel that way at one point of time or another, don't you? to just run and hide... if you never felt that way before, good for you.

then i thought, one bad thing out of many good is pretty okay actually. maybe because i have alot of good things already, so there need to be a balance or smtgh. we lose some, we gain some right? for eg. a gal who has pretty eyes may has stubby fingers. or like a guy who has career but has no family. or like a person who has good grades, but has no friends. or another who is rich, but has no purpose in life.

so maybe, since i'm happy with so many things already, it's right that i should be given some things that make me unhappy. maybe some Higher Being above (whoever you believe in), a Force, Fate, something beyond us has got everything planned, and has everything balanced out. like the wheel of fortune in Julius Caesar, or like karma where good and bad revolves ard depending on our deeds.

i believed in a lie for a moment.
the God i know is not like that. He doesnt bless me for one day, and curse me another. He doesnt have mood swings. yes, bad things do happen. but God does not give good things, so that He can give the bad things later. Neither does He give the bad, then leave the best for the last. He doesn't toy around with our lives. He is not playing a joke on us. He also does not give something, then take away another thing for a return. God does not calculate profits from us. He does not need to. Jesus certainly did not expect a return when He gave His life for us. what can we give in return anyway? our lives? it's nothing compared to His. He simply gives because He is good.

I felt sucky jus now. But I'm glad i felt that way. it led me to remember something that's so easily dismissed as passe- God is a good God (no matter how i feel).