Twelfth Night of November

one and a half months more.

i'm not sure what to think abt tt. but i feel sad today.

there's someone that is very dear to me but i feel that he or she has been emotionally needy nowadays. or maybe he's always been like that, but i've just noticed. i am upset at the words he utter- so often discomforting, not in a good way when someone tells you a truth that you hate but badly needed to hear. but more like when someone gets defensive by blaming others with false accusations and words of condemnation.

and yet i know i have not been good to him myself. didnt live up to certain expectations, and i forgot simple but important things- things that matter alot to him. and that itself is upsetting.

i'm also randomly upset about death.

the music at the background is telling me that He placed the stars in the sky and He knows them by name. i'm looking out of the window and i see no stars. but i remember that they're there whether i see them or not. just like the maker of them all who remains faithful forever. He's here no matter i see Him or not. and that's comforting. and that's another reason why i sleep peacefully at night, and more so on the twelfth night of november.

Yet

Quite a single stalk
Rooted beneath uncertain soil
Its head has not fallen
Its beauty has not been destroyed

Its leaves are still
for such a time
Its wing stretches upwards, holding its breath.
It awaits for a wind's first whisper
And quietly swears to itself.
That it will wrestle

Till the wind catches and lifts it altogether.
Like a man walking on water,
It uproots itself
and is willed to fly.

None The Less

Hi, your name is? =)

Today is the official opening of Paya Lebar Wellness Centre (PLWC)- that's where I'm working at the moment. I work with elderlies above 50, and my colleague is this lovely lady who has a big big heart. I also have other colleagues from Hougang Sheng Hong Family Service Centre (HSFSC), but we are located a few blocks away from each other- that's where I've started when I entered Society of Sheng Hong Welfare Services in January. I've just been transferred permanently to PLWC, and I miss them already. i'm in love with kind-hearted people who laugh sincerely.

I sign off as lince, which means lynx in spanish. if you'd google "cat and dog theology", you'd see an interesting analogy of christians as either cats or dogs, and their relationship with God as their master. cats are the self-centred, haughty ones. and lynx, being part of the cat family, is apt because i am distinctly one.

more accurately though, my name is Ellince. El means God in hebrews and unashamedly, apart from El, lince can do nothing.

Well, hi.

Not in order of importance:
you have much if you have:
a life, a job, a family, friends, money, health, happiness.
or if you have:
a life, a job, a family, friends, money and health.
or if you have:
a life, a job, a family, and friends.
or if you have:
a life, a job and a family.
or if you have:
a life and a job.
you will still have much if you have:
a life.

but knowing us, much is never enough. part of it is greed, but most of it is perfection-seeking. we yearn to be completed, satisfied- lacking nothing.

if what you have is only misery:
u are comfortably living below the absolute poverty line, your friends betrayed you, your family left you, your company cheated on you, and each ailing breath you take is physically agonising. you have nothing that the world yearns but a God who is still with you. i say that you lack nothing.

Today, i would like to boast that i have much and that i lack nothing. please remind me of this when i'm old and sickly and alone.

a.b.c.one.two.three

i can't keep quiet.

i distrust my Lord.

He tells me i should eat it, one at a time.

but i decided to juice them. lemon, pineapple, almond nuts, sambal, yam, kueh bangkit and pear. and gulped them with coke.

terrible altogether.

and so i forced myself to puke. to rid. to purge. all of them all at once.

and i did.

but an aftertaste lingers.