December Once More

it's hard to type when my fingers are rusty.

hee.

first of all, merry christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nope, no snow for me this year. my family and mel's went to bandung yesterday and it made me realise that i have not realised the beauty of my own home country.

if i understood correctly, we went there with at least two tasks at hand. one was to shop- that was done quite effortlessly as there're countless factory outlets besides our hotel. another was to watch the night scene of Bandung in an uphill restaurant called the "Valley"- that too, was quite easy with friendly locals giving us the right directions throughout our journey. the view we saw was enjoyable except for the slight rain which hindered us a little.

in accomplishing the two, we had to complete a third task during the two-day trip: driving between jakarta and bandung (if you are asking, no, i wasnt the one driving.)

this particular task, to my very delight, involved an unexpected scenic drive of terraced rice fields, coned straw hats, miniature creeks, tall lean trees with round almost balding crowns, harvested tea fields, short fat mountains with much taller but still fat mountains at the background. plus, blue blue sky on the first day; big big clouds on the second.

isnt it wonderful? all of them displaying and declaring His name aloud. i thought for that moment that what i was seeing is as good as snow. butttt...... i take that thought back. with all its novelty, snow is still on top on my favourite-things-list.

so that's my christmas. =)

in one psalm, david says, i love You O LORD, my strength.

i think i love God too.

just the other day, there was a star that came so close to earth, i stole it. because i knew that God knew, i reasoned that the star must have been there for me to take.

stars, by their very nature, are not meant to be kept. they are meant to be gifts. so i considered carefully and eagerly of whom i shall present the star to. but no matter how hard i thought, i could not find anyone suitable.

quite forlorn, i decided very reluctantly to put the star back into the heavens. i think i must have missed its position because it looked a little lopsided today. that made me feel worse.

i said sorry to God, and asked if i could present the star as a gift to God himself, but how could i? when the star belonged to God in the first place.

Meanwhile higher up, a sister of that star glowed and glowed, and glowed so much that it looked like it was about to burst. i couldnt help noticing her even while i was feeling so pitiful. without any warning, it did burst! i was so shocked to see it fall so gracefully afterwards, and God picked it up midair and presented it to a girl whom i do not know at this time but am sure to know and love in the New Land.

then it dawned upon me that stars are gifts because God first present it to their rightful owners to give it to another, in His time. If one day you ever watch a funny looking lopsided star falling, i hope you'll also get to see me receiving it with grace this time.

it's december once more!

there are many things to tell as usual, but time passes so quickly, and i'm slumbering my words. i went for a HongKong trip with partner, choon, ger, andy and darren early this month, and i cant wait to see all the photos! it was so fun, i'll have to show you the photos the next time round.

oh, and if you're wondering why i havent been online, my IBM laptop died on me during the sem. i was quoted almost $1400 for it so i delayed the repair and finally decided to get a new HP instead. it's still brand new considering i've only used it for a week before exams and it's now resting in singapore while i'm here.

and, i have moved. i'm now staying with three cousins, and telling you what kind of adjustment it means to have three adolescents at home will take another long long merry and not so merry post. when my aunt first decided to come and look for a place in sgp, one of the first things that cross my mind was the need to change for a blog address since i'm not going to stay on the eighth floor anymore. but as it is, my new home coincidentally turned out to be on the eight floor, so i'm still an eighthfloorgirl. ;)

good night, sleep tight, and chocolate dreams...

The Only Fount' I Know

hands tremble from lack of oxygen
is there any one who is able to sit up, upright by himself?
and stand, withstand-
ing.

the Lord is my strength, and my saviour.
He never leaves me forsaken.
it's grace i'm breathing and love i'm living.

Oceans will part

"as You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
my heart will find praise
and i'll delight in Your way"

Stealing Some Time

week 3.
1/4 of my internship will be over by the end of this week.
fast right?

heh thanks for helping me find the car name in my previous post. actually that story only has 3 lines:
Line 1-> X spotted this car on Date X, time X, at place X.

Line 2-> X says " XXX ".

Line 3-> STOMP checked it out and this car is Name X.

and i had to spend one hour just to write that last line...........

i tried googling and all, but all cars look the same to me, and i couldnt decide which car looks like which. so i went msn and asked partner if she knows.... thank God. cus partner gave me a very good advice: "um, i think you should ask the guys."

yupz. so i did.

thanks wil for answering my email during work... thanks MY, norman, bear for helping... and thanks anonymous (ok, maybe you are a girl) for the website... =)

well, how has my intern been?
good and bad... like all things.

Good
because i am learning so many things.
i was asked to write 2 blog entries on my first day. that was easy cus i jus copy-n-paste from here... haha...
on my second day, they started to give me stories to write. if you check out Singapore Seen in http://www.stomp.com.sg/, that's where most of the stories are.

on the slowest day, i write 1 (that's today. that's y i can afford to blog now =P), on my busiest day i wrote 8. some stories are just a 3-liner like the car article. some stories are more interesting... like fire, etc.

my name's nowhere to be found, but i'm good with tt.
writing is fun stuff.

Not So Good
cus it's tough.
heh at least that's what i feel.
all the stories that i write go through the content producers, or what they call webknowledgists, and the editor.

on the first few days, when i see my stories online i feel so sim tia (heart pain). cus after they are filtered through the producers, the writings dun look like mine anymore... heh. but now i'm beginning to recognise familiar sentences.

they taught me how to write stories properly... there are rules i need to follow cus i cant write like i do here. i'm seriously learning everything from scratch. n that's good too. =)

Some Things I Learnt:
1. first line- always give the summary of the article.
2. don't use long words. keep it simple.
3. one paragraph can only have 2 lines.
4. 0-9 must be written in letters as "zero-nine". only write in numerics if it's more than ten.
5. diff producers look out for diff things. sometimes contradicting things. need to know who u are sending your stuffs to, then follow suit.
6. online dictionaries are extremely useful. my fav is www.thefreedictionary.com. i NEED to have a thesauraus.

Is there any more words you can add for each line?
1. inconsiderate, uncourteous, selfish, thoughtless,
2. shocked, stunned, filled with disbelief, struck dumbfounded, appalled, amazed

hey wil... pls help... or anyone... it's a mitsuoka car... but i need to know the model... someone sent in a pic and said it looks like rolls royce...
thanks!!!

Centre of Dreams

heehee.... so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cus... sph called today and said i got my internship! yAy!!! heh. =))the process of getting the intern is a blessing itself. some doors closed, some doors opened. it'll be another long post altogether. but thank God! heh...

initially wanted to apply for the prison service, cus i tot my degree would be useful in counselling. but my family was not too happy with it so i didnt send in the application. but i still feel that if God gave us 2nd chances to repent on our sins, the inmates should also be given 2nd chances. so if you are able and have the chance to work there, treasure the opportunity k! heh and all the best...

so anyways... v happy to get the intern... duno if i'll get to write my own stuffs... but even if pao kopi there i oso don't mind... as long as can learn smtgh there... haha... been saying i wanted to be a journalist since i was sec sch... n along these years sometimes i'd be unsure if writing is really what God wanted me to do... sometimes i'm even unsure if i shud continue writing on this blog.. haha... i know getting the intern now oso doesnt mean that that's the exact thing that God wants me to do in the future... but i am definitely excited about nxt week!

i mite have to work on some weekends, oh and i am thinkin of gg for tkd comp in aug, so need to start training again... i oso dun wan to neglect spending time wif pple i love... with so little time n so many things, i hope i'll be able to centre my focus on God to balance all these things that i want to do... jiayou lince!

Life, Prayers, and What Ifs

when i first came to singapore, my brother and i stayed with a family who's said to be distant relatives. they turned out to be much more than formal guardians who signed my consent forms. i call them atio, akow, choon kiat koko, yeeleng cece, sokleng cece, and sebastian. when none of them was at home, akow's dad would come over and help to take care of us. i call him lauku.

lauku passed away on wed morning. i am not particularly close to him, and honestly, i haven't even seen him in years. but his news gave me flashbacks of the times where he'd wait for rv schoolbus with me in the voiddeck, and the times of eating cut watermelons in chinatown. i can still pretty much recall his house, and strangely, his voice.

i went to the wake 2 nights ago with mel and 2jie, and i seriously didn't know what was the appropriate thing to say. am i supposed to say"hey, it's okay..." or what? things are not okay.

but when the time comes, i didnt really have to think alot of what to do. they made it easy really. i was just quiet for awhile and, and sokleng cece looked at me and said "it's okay, just have to be strong." and atio akow were pretty candid, asking me the usual questions of hows school, hows papa mama, koko, etc. and they were open about how lauku's death came about, and were describing his last days- how he was unable to eat for many days, but when his favourite grandson came back from overseas, he could finish a $4 orh-luak by himself. choonkiat koko even joked that it's a fortunate thing that school term's over... because it meant that my prof will not need to see me anymore.

i can see that their eyes are red and tired. but noone was crying while i was there.

there's indeed a time to be born and a time to die. a time to mourn, and a time to laugh. there's also a time to pray.

i don't remember ever praying for lauku, and i know i don't have the chance to do that anymore. but i know i can still pray for laukim. i don't know how life will be like for her now that her husband is gone. last week she was robbed in the lift and her head was hurt while being pushed away. she neither want to stay with the children nor want a maid at home. i also don't know if she'll ever come to know God. i wouldnt know, but i should start praying.

there's a reason why the very people we meet are put into our lives. family, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend. enemies. let's pray for them, and for whoever is in our mind right now. there are 6 billion people in the world and we can't know and pray for them all. but we can pray for those few that we encounter each day. one day if we are able to do that, then we can go on to praying for people whom we don't know. praying does not guarantee salvation. God decides. but we are told to do our part to pray. and more than that, to act and live our prayers.

one more thing, we always assume that our grandparents will die before our parents. and that our parents will die before us. and we will die before our children. if you have never thought about this before, take afew minutes to think about, what if, just what if, you die tonight and find that there's more to life than what is here?

Revelation 21:4-5

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

1

1-101
hey before we log in to blogger, we can check the box that says "remember me" so there's no need to type our password repeatedly rite... is yours working? i click on the box duno how many times already, and my dear blogger still dun want to remember me everytime i sign in...

1-102
the social science students got an email at the beginning of the year tt says: "free admission to national museum of singapore!"

*beams*

last fri, class ended one half hour early. so ash chris and i decided to cross the road frm our building to the museum.

At the front desk...
us: "hello, we are students from smu social science, can we go in straight?"
receptionist (after some time):" oh, the membership expire already. this month's fees havent pay."

ookie.

we ended up walking around the premises anyway, and checked out 2 open (= free) exhibitions. one of it was "Families and Friends- A Singapore Album exhibition", which showcases photographs to "tell the stories of Singaporeans from all walks of life"- quoted from National Museum's site. i like a few collections in particular because they tell stories that are personal and real. there's one really sweet and unique wedding album that's compiled and designed by the couple themselves. there's adrian pang's funny commentaries along with his photo collection. there're also photos of innocent little kids who dun pose in front of cameras. and of course, there're photos of guys in uniforms which caught my eyes... haha...

anyway, i'm really glad class was dismissed early. spending time with chrissy and ash was really fun... go check the museum out if u are interested. and guess wat, it turned out that there's free admission for everyone, weekdays lunch hour, from 12 to 2! (check the website, i'm not bluffing...)

Magic

hello! i lost my match.
but i am ok. heh dont worry... =)

actually i am writing a few posts simultaneously, but this one should have been published last week. kinda overdue. so first things first... i havent give thanks to God for what He has done, and more importantly, for who He is.

usually in smu we'll follow the sch calendar and plan stuffs by the week. for eg, week 8 is break week, final exams is in week 15, etc. i'm going to describe week 9.

i had an assigment due on monday before 12 noon, but i was already prepared to hand it in on tues. on monday nite, the prof emailed and apologised that he did not go to the office that day. he told us to hand it in on tues after 12 instead.

on wed, i was reminded of Col 3:23 and wrote the previous post.

on thurs, i was reminded of Matt 11:28-30.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

this is the first year that i experience peace throughout ivp. in my first year, i remember being so kanchiong- my heart was beating v fast and i can feel my head spin. last yr i was so relieved after my match, i got fever the next day.

i just want to thank God for assuring me that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. haha it took 3 years to learn that... =P

go to Him, all us who are weary and burdened. He will give us rest. Take His yoke instead. learn from Him. For He is gentle and humble in heart. and we will find rest for our souls. For His yoke is easy, and his burden is light.

on fri and sat, i can't remember how many times the 2 verses gave me strength, and from that strength, peace. it was certainly many many many times...
there's little burden to win the match, to live up to others' expectations, n no more fear of losing. just doing my best for the one, and to rest in one thought.

even after i lost, i din feel the same kind of sadness that i felt in the past. well... i still wake up a few mornings and automatically replay little snippets of the comp. i still think of the things that cud and shud have been done better if i cud turn back time. but the heart is calmed with peace.

are you worrying about anything? actually i am... haha. but let's not worry k! it's all under the control of a super zai God!

everything'll just fall into place...
like magic.

Living in the Audience of One

you know what i fear most?

for the past 2 months, almost 3, i've been working for the comp. been eating less, jogging more, carrying my trainings to my dreams, etc.
i fear that all of that will be futile. wasted down the drain in a mere six minutes this sat.
and how painful that will be, knowing that noone who's watching knows of the effort that is past. worse, knowing that someone knows, and is going to see how i fail to perform.

sigh little pride.. go away.

yet i know... i know it in my head, and my heart is beginning to understand, that i am living in the audience of one.

the most important thing of this process is not on how i fare this saturday. it's how i have been faring. there's one faithful audience who have been training with me throughout, he has seen all my ups and downs, and he knows that i have done my best. and that's enough and pleasing to him.

of course i still want to win. haha...
but winning does not prove that i am a better person than the opponent. losing does not prove that i am worse. victory comes from the Lord, and He shall give it to whoever He wishes. meanwhile, i just want to continue doing my best for that faithful audience. till the end. =)

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." -Col 3:23

A Few Things That Can Be Said

i have this friend who's been married for about 15 years. he's very close to his family. so even after marriage, he'll visit home more than every once in a while.

he said that however, he'll not visit home if he had quarrelled with his wife that day. just because he knows that he'll complain about it to his family...

i feel like saying alot of things now. haha... but i shan't because i know i am not in the right mind. and heart.

james jus left this morning, choon is going off tmr morning. darren n andy left too, but coming back soon!

enjoyed and rested myself in indo for the past week. but break week is going to be over tmr. 2 assignments due. one more midterm paper. 12 poems to hand in. and......... tkd comp this sat.

God, You are still here right?
hUgz.

james take care in canada k...
choon take care in aus too...

hUgz.

Do You Love Me Because I am Beautiful

or Am I Beautiful Because You Love Me?

thanks chris for tt quote... i like... heh. in canada super seldom watch tv... come back here then realise that i really like to watch shows... now like the 9 oclock channel 8 show... and it's ending soon... also like to watch nice advertisements... i like the Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty.

can check out:
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ph/supports.asp?id=3181&length=short§ion=campaign

see the results? it's a study for asian women's attitudes. only abt 3% to 5% women think they are beautiful. so few... maybe the results are biased because of the way the survey and questions are phrased and done... since asians are generally more reserved, and will feel that it's bhb and wrong to answer the survey honestly and admit tt they think they are beautiful... haha see? my psych research classes got use one wor...
the other result that strike me is that, among the Most Satisfied Category, Singapore only score well in the "Financial Success"... but She never appear at all in the list for Most Satisfied in "Family Relations", "Romantic Relations", "Friends","Beauty", and "Health". Contrastingly, other countries are doing better at the rest of the categories, even though they are less satisfied with their financial success.

Here's the song that Dove uses in the advertisement.

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

-Phil Collin's True Colours

do you feel tired carrying me on your back?
i must be quite a pain... it must be super tiring especially when i struggle so much. just cant stop resisting and wanting to walk on my own. other times i fight so hard... just so that you'll carry me the other way.
i can imagine you sweating. struggling too. to keep me still. trying to reassure me. trying to reprimand. trying to tell me that everything is in control. everything's going to be okay.
it's so ironic. now that i'm feeling tired, now that i have no more energy to fight, i suddenly feel so sleepy.
and only now, i am finally willing to rest on your shoulders. i dont really care anymore where you are taking me.
when will you ever get tired of me?

Under Construction

change happens as little and as much as time passes. it is slow and quick at the same time. i am anticipating some changes after the exchange- the major ones are yet to be discovered, but the little ones are quicker to surface.

Little ones like... developing and attaching feelings on the most unlikely thing.a street name. did you know that SMU is located at Victoria Street?

...feeling odd about the someone missing in the group, about the new yellow paint over the blue, or about a familiar person becoming unfamiliar.

...noticing things in a new light, and appreciating them doubly.
the wind feels good chilled and warm.
trees looks good bald and green.
sunset in Victoria is beautiful. ditto from an eighth floor.
heater and aircon are both ingenious inventions.
it's interesting how God fit our selves on earth. Canada has much space with few people, while Singapore has little space with many people.
singaporeans has singlish and finish sentences with a 'la'. canadians has like, like, well, it's like... they say alot of 'like', and like to end sentences with an 'eh', pronounced like an 'ei'.
etc.

i know it in my head that change is good, though most of the time i didnt feel like it. it forces me out of complacency and discover growth. i am also forced to learn of the one Constant who has always been there amidst both the pleasant and discomforting discoveries.

i'm back in singapore! and am still under His contruction...